how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
