the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
