First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
