did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
