i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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