Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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