im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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