yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
