Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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