From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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