I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
