Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This girl is more easily done than said...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
