I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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