it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
