god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
