i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
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