you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is pants optional.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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