First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
