in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
