So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
