IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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