how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The uberlube is also flammable
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
