found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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