dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize