Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
