***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
