We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
