So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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