she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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