I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How's work?
Spinning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
