Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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