i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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