is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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