I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
