my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
