This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
