There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
