im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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