Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
