left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Please don't give away my fajitas
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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