Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
