it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
