I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
