Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
