i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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