The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
