i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
