Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
