We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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