he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
