If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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