just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
