His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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