This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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