Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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