Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
