The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
