im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
