I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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