Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
