question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
