tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
