So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
