Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
