The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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