Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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