I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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