Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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