dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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